Saturday, October 24, 2009

Random Things

  • Not everyone speaks Arabic, French, Spanish and English, but they all speak Facebook.

  • The third pillar of Islam is Zakat - the practice of alms-giving to the less fortunate. That is why I have to walk over or around 30 disfigured hobos every Friday because there is a mosque between my apartment and work.

  • Camel sandwiches are not A) delicious, B) $2.00 or C) readily available at 11:00pm after I’ve already been drinking because they are in fact D) all of the above.

  • My friend who works for Emirates says that Moroccan flights always run out of sugar because Moroccan people put a shit-ton of it in everything. I definitely believe her because she is very pretty. But also because many Moroccan people have missing teeth.

  • Drinking is technically illegal in Morocco, so I have to buy all of my booze from the supermarket that’s owned by the King. Thanks, King Mohammed!

  • Half of all taxis have “broken meters” with air quotes. The tourist price is 10 Euros, but the real price is 10 Dirhams, which is less.

  • Imagine if the music video for “I’m on a Boat” were made in total seriousness and featured several cut scenes of questionably attractive bikini-clad women dancing by a pool for no reason. That is what every music video out of Lebanon and Egypt is like.

  • The sheesha place by my apartment is charming. Their only flavour is apple.

  • The bastardized Moroccan Arabic form of “two” is difficult to transliterate, but it sounds roughly like ‘Juzsh’, which kind of sounds like the terribly transliterated French word for juice, ‘Juszh’. I often receive two juices when I only wanted to order one.

  • When I finally get around to buying clothes (less expensive than doing laundry), I’m going to buy a shirt with ‘Armani’ on the front and ‘Prada’ on the back. Those are real things.

  • I heard a German guy tell a Nazi joke. “Have you ever been to France?” someone else asked. “No, but my grandfather was there for a few months and loved it,” he said before seeking out a high-five. Granted.

  • Syria has the best food in the Middle East, Lebanon has the prettiest girls, Algeria doesn’t get along with its neighbors, no one likes that Iranian guy with the stupid name, Turkish people drink during Ramadan and the Israeli passport stamp is to a traveler what herpes is to a college kid.

  • Casablanca is a city in transition. I see as many women in miniskirts as I do in birqas.

  • There are guys who walk around on the streets with carts who collect garbage and sell it (to the garbage store?). They advertise their business by making a sort of honking noise every 5-8 seconds that is very loud and carries a long distance. This was sad at first because poverty is a vicious cycle. But the fifteenth goddamn they wake you up with their stupid fucking goose noise is about the time when you want to donate a glass bottle to their head from your 3rd story window.

  • Peugot (a French automobile and man’s purse manufacturer) makes a motorcycle with bicycle pedals.

  • I would love to write a book or short story, but the only time I can get something amusing on paper is when I write sarcastic little lists with no cohesive meaning or value. There’s probably some sort of learning disability associated with that phenomenon that I’m too lazy to look up.


Aaron & Jessica said...

Interesting list. I liked it. A lot.

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